3 posts tagged “me”

i see a fork in the path ahead of me.  choices to be made...so hard to know which is right.  what do i want out of life?....well i kind of know that.  i want to do meaningful work - both in the job and ministry sense.  i want to serve God and please Him in all i do.  i want to be married. i want children. i want a home full of laughter and love and a garden to grow things in. is it attainable...i don't know.  that depends on another (unknown) person and God i suppose.  is a masters the right thing to be putting my time, energy, and money into then?  i'm not so sure. as i've said in previous posts, my experience with uw and the dmlis program is so different...so much less...than what i'd thought. hoped. if i was happy with it i might not feel like this, but i'm not and i do.  as i told a friend earlier today, i'm having a hard time with the thought that i'll be unhappy, frustrated and a bit bitter for the next four years.  i can grin and bear it...but should i?  i've worked so long and hard, carried so much hope and anticipation within me to be working on my mlis - to have it done by the time i'm 30. but...i'm here, i'm doing it, and it's not what i thought.

here are some of the other things i could be doing: getting involved with the teen ministry at church, saving money and actually going on mission trips, saving more money to buy a house, being less stressed at work (because school stress carries over), being less stressed in general, having less guilt - usually brought about by not being as dedicated a student as i used to be, growing plants on my little apt. patio, crocheting more, reading more, being a better friend/sister/daughter,

i got into a competitive program though. and the degree would allow me to be a librarian if i moved to another state (it doesn't seem so necessary where i live now), and what would people think? what would my parents think/say? it's quitting right? am i a quitter?

and not the the good cool funk - the weird inexplicable funk.  at the end of last week i started feeling like my generally chipper upbeat self again.  i hadn't really noticed that something was off until i was done with it.  now don't worry - i know not to rely too much on emotions because they're trixie and false and changeable, but man is it nice when they're not working against you!  so, thank the Lord, i feel like a burden has been lifted and i don't even know how it got there. 

hello world! i'm ready for ya!

Alright, alright.  I'm succumbing to the harsh and painful taggie command from ernie.  I may be last, but I refuse to be least!  Is any of this stuff new or news to any of you? Let me know - I's curious.

• I love the OUTDOORS!  That's right.  Even though you'd be hard pressed to find me in my preferred environment of late, I love hiking, fishing, camping, etc.  One of my favorite things to do is go to my "special spot" up HWY 21 past Idaho City and sit in seclusion on my rock with my feet in the creek and be still - and commune with God.

• I was HOMESCHOOLED!  and I'm pretty damn proud of it, as I think my parents did a great job.  I like to counter stereotypes (no surprise there) and people are generally taken aback when they find out that relatively (very relatively) normal, smart (I have a college degree now thank you very much), socially adept me is a product of that thing that most people on the outside like to mock and kick at.  It can be done poorly, but it can also be done really, really well.
  

• I come from (and am one of) some of the most PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE and DEMONSTRATIVE people you will EVER meet.  Pretty much everyone from my Dad's side of the family is that way, all 50+ of us. Want a hug?  How about a kiss?
  

• I once had my DOOR REMOVED!  Back when I was 17 or so my parents were so sick of me locking myself in my room that they actually took my door away for like a week.  *shudders*  It. Was. Awful.

• I HOARD things.  Like crazy.  And if you can stand to believe it, I'm better than I used to be about.  I mean, come on, you wouldn't want to finish that chocolate or perfume, you'll be sad and missing it when it's all gone!